


Before You Go

by HarpforHim



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Episode: s05e16 The Lawless, Gen, If these children would only communicate with each other, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Post-Episode: s05e16 The Lawless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26954077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarpforHim/pseuds/HarpforHim
Summary: “So... Before you go..."Dozens of words caught in his throat, Anakin watches his two best friends walk away—one for a short while; one forever. Hindsight is everything, but he finds himself wishing he'd only said more when he had the chance. In the end, he finds himself leaving both of them as they did him. (Featuring the missing scene before the Mandalore arc.)A three chapter story based on the song lyrics by Lewis Capaldi.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. Obi-Wan

_**So, before you go,** _

_**Was there something I could've said** _

_**To make your heart beat better?** _

_**If only I'd have known** _

_**You had a storm to weather…** _

Anakin couldn't recall the last time he'd felt such negative energy bleed off his Master.

And they weren't even in the same room.

 _Come on, Obi-Wan._ His feet clipped across the smooth tiles of the Temple halls. _Where'd you run off to this time?_

If Anakin knew his Master—and he could only hope he did—Obi-Wan wasn't going to reveal himself willingly. Especially not when he was obviously in so much turmoil.

And, try as he might, Anakin couldn't seem to reach him through their Force bond, receiving only silence in response to his constant questions.

_**Where are you?** _

_**What's wrong?** _

_**How can I help?** _

_**Come on, Obi-Wan, you have to give me something here.** _

Nothing. Not even a hint of where in the Temple he'd hidden himself away.

 _Great._ Anakin heaved a sigh, fists slapping against his sides. _Just great._

The last thing he wanted to do was scour the endless Temple corridors for his Master, but he knew he just couldn't leave him alone in such a state.

As he continued his search, he tried to remember when he'd even _felt_ Obi-Wan in a state of this much distress and conflict.

Not since Qui-Gon…

Anakin shivered. Though he hadn't even been ten years old at the time, the sheer guilt and pain that radiated off his Master was something he could never forget.

Another shiver threatened to convulse his body at the memory, but he suppressed it quickly.

He had to find Obi-Wan.

His travels led him to the hangar, a massive corner of the Jedi Temple, and perhaps one of his favorites places to be.

When he wasn't with Padmé, of course...

He lifted his eyes and there was his Master, a lone figure caught in the midst of a buzz of activity. Everyone had somewhere to be, places to go, and ships to repair. Yet, none seemed as determined, nor as _lost_ as his former Master.

Taking a breath, Anakin surged forward. "Obi-Wan!"

Auburn hair danced as the Jedi in question whirled around, somewhat surprised.

"Are you going on vacation or something?" Anakin inquired with a smirk.

"Oh, Anakin, don't be ridiculous," Obi-Wan replied, his tone betraying an inner weariness. And was that a touch of anxiety?

"Well, a secret vacation is a good reason as any to ignore our Force bond."

In an instant, Obi-Wan's expression became guarded. "You were asking too many questions. Now, if you'll excuse me."

"Only because you didn't answer my first one. Hey! Wait, where are you—"

But Obi-Wan was already too far ahead, forcing Anakin to break into a run in order to keep up. "Obi-Wan! Come on! What's going on?"

To his relief, Obi-Wan paused, albeit briefly. "I…" Though Anakin could only see less than half of his face, he didn't miss the flicker of conflict. "I… have something I need to attend to."

"Um, okay?" Anakin didn't have a good feeling about this. Something seemed… off. "So, should Ahsoka and I expect you back for sabacc tonight?"

Another pause. This time, Obi-Wan didn't look back.

"Probably not. Give her my apologies."

"Obi-Wan, what is going on? _Obi-Wan!_ "

Forcibly grabbing his Master by the arm seemed the only way to stop his advance towards… wherever he was heading. This was a feat easier said than done, however, and Anakin chased Obi-Wan halfway across the hangar before his fingers hit their target.

"Anakin!"

" _Obi-Wan!_ "

Blue eyes met blue in a battle of wills.

It was Anakin who won out in the end, much to his own surprise as Obi-Wan looked away, surveying the busy hangar.

"Obi-Wan…?"

Instead of answering—though, if Anakin was honest, he wasn't even sure what he'd been expecting to hear—Obi-Wan asked a question of his own.

"Anakin, how have your secret-keeping skills improved?"

"Uh… since…?"

"Since the Kysteller incident."

Anakin fought back a wince. "Come on, I was twelve."

"It was pretty bad."

"Well, I think I can say with confidence that my skills are _much_ better now."

"You think?"

"I _know_. Look, why is this important?"

Obi-Wan took a quick glance around the room. "Because I need you to keep a secret for me."

This caught Anakin off-guard for a moment. "What? Uh, sure. Of course, what—?"

"I'm needed on Mandalore."

"A mission?"

Obi-Wan pursed his lips. "Of sorts."

"Come on, Obi-Wan—"

"I can't tell you any more than that. I'm sorry."

Anakin followed as his Master continued his journey through the hangar. "Okay, so don't tell anyone. Got it. Wait… does that mean…?"

"No, the Council does not approve of this mission."

Anakin felt his jaw drop.

"Oh, come now. Do you think you're the only one who's gone against the Council?"

"Yeah, I mean no, it's just,"—Anakin felt himself smirk—"I never pegged you for a rule breaker."

Obi-Wan shot him a look. "Honestly, have you forgotten who my Master was?"

A chuckle escaped Anakin's lips, though it was tinted by an underlying sadness that always followed any conversation about Qui-Gon, even one that merely alluded to the maverick Jedi Master.

"Right." He followed in uncharacteristic silence until Obi-Wan stopped once more. "What? What is it?"

"I suddenly realized, I don't know where I'm going."

"Uh… probably to a _ship_?"

Here, Obi-Wan shot him another look and he had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Well, I can't very well board a ship I'm not even authorized to take, now can I?"

Anakin grinned. "And here's where I come in." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "See? It's a good thing I found you."

"You haven't shown me anything yet, Anakin."

"The _Twilight_ ," he replied as if Obi-Wan should've read his mind already. "It's not registered in the Temple ship log."

"Any particular reason _why_?"

"I just… never got around to it. Plus, it comes in hand in situations like this."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Well, I suppose I'm not one to argue with that right now. But, the _Twilight?_ Honestly, Anakin, I thought you liked me a little more than that."

"What'd you just say about my baby?"

His Master's grin didn't reach his eyes. "I said, I'll take it."

"Good. It should be all fueled up and ready to go."

"Thank you, Anakin. Truly. It… means a lot."

"Hey, anytime." Several seconds dragged by as the two sought anything to look at other than each other. Anakin was the first to regain his voice. "So, you're, uh, not gonna tell me what's waiting for you on Mandalore?"

"Sorry."

"No, no, it's fine," he replied, though his tone made it clear it really wasn't. Obi-Wan didn't appear to be moved. "Do you need someone to come with you?"

"No." The reply was far too quick for Anakin's peace of mind, but he didn't press the subject any further. It was obvious Obi-Wan was on a solo mission. Nagging would only upset his Master even more; remind him of a whiny Padawan he once knew, once trained.

And that was the last thing Anakin wanted his former Master to remember, much less remind him about.

With a sigh, Anakin locked eyes with the Jedi Master. "Just… be careful, all right?"

"I'll try." Obi-Wan's smile was forced. "Don't let Ahsoka beat you too badly tonight."

"Oh, believe me, I won't. She's _so_ going down."

Obi-Wan's response was dry. "I'm sure."

As they walked to the battered old ship, the negative feelings radiating off his Master only grew stronger. Honestly, it was getting rather concerning.

 _Say something!_ A voice inside him screamed. _Insist on coming along. Make him take you._

_Don't let him go alone._

"You're sure you don't want—"

" _No_ , Anakin," Obi-Wan snapped before catching himself. He heaved a sigh. "No. Thank you."

Anakin simply nodded.

_Don't let him go alone._

_**Don't** _ _let him_ _**go alone…** _

"Obi-Wan…" The words died in Anakin's throat as he watched his friend climb the ramp alone, a weary smile on his face.

"Thank you again, my friend."

Anakin cleared the lump from his throat. "Seriously, anytime."

As Obi-Wan turned to continue his ascent, the voice inside began to scream louder and louder until Anakin couldn't hardly bear it any more.

"Master!" He called; Obi-Wan paused. "Before you go… uh…"

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! Just say it! Stop him! Climb onto the ship and start the engine yourself!_

"Yes, Anakin?"

The young Knight blinked. There were a million things he wanted to say— _needed_ to say—but he just couldn't find the words. _What could I possibly say that would make him change his mind?_

 _Nothing,_ a harsher, more cynical voice declared. _Absolutely nothing._

But there had to be _something_.

"Anakin, I have to go…"

"Oh, yeah, right. I just…"

"Yes?"

Anakin swallowed, painting a smile atop his lips. "Stay safe out there."

"Don't I always?" Obi-Wan responded with a grin. Then, he was gone.

And the _Twilight_ was out of sight before Anakin could form another coherent thought.

How was he supposed to know his Master would return home so broken? So defeated?

 _I'm not a fortune teller_ , he told himself, his third vain attempt to wash away his guilt since Obi-Wan returned from Mandalore several days later. _How was I supposed to know?_

But he _had_ known, somewhat. He'd known things weren't quite right; weren't how they should be. Why else would his by-the-book Master break the rules and go against a direct order from the Council?

 _If only I'd said something else. Something not so cliche… so_ _**meaningless!** _

His fist connected with the wall, but he had yet to feel any pain.

Why hadn't he said something more while Obi-Wan was being so open? _Well, more open than usual._ Now, Anakin could barely get his Master to say three words about his trip.

" _Not now."_

" _Not just yet."_

" _No, Anakin."_

" _Don't, Anakin."_

" _ **Please**_ _, Anakin."_

Anakin shivered.

"Master?" Ahsoka's trembling voice went in one ear and out the other.

 _How could I have been so stupid? So… so_ _**blind?** _

Obi-Wan had clearly been hurting right in front of his eyes and he couldn't see past his need to keep from sounding like a whiny Padawan.

_Now he's hurting more than ever and it's even harder to get through to him; to help him._

_Oh, it all could've been so much easier if…_

If _what?_

Anakin loosened his fist, allowing color to seep slowly back into his whitened knuckles.

"Master? Is Obi-Wan going to be—"

"He's gonna be fine, Snips," Anakin snapped. "He just has some stuff to work through, that's all."

"Oh. Don't you think he might need us to—"

But Anakin was out of the room and wearing down the floor of the Temple hall before she could finish.

_If I'd only made him see reason; showed him I care with more than just a borrowed ship._

_If only…_

If _**what**?_

Anakin stopped mid stride, pinching the bridge of his nose.

His sigh, when it came, was shaky.

_Oh, Obi-Wan… If only I'd have known you had such a storm to weather._

_If only I insisted we weather it together._

Would they be better off by now if he had? If he'd done something more—anything more than what little he had?

 _I guess we'll never know,_ he thought miserably as he continued making his way to the Room of aThousand Fountains, where he knew his Master was no doubt meditating. Or perhaps trying to forget.

_Trying to forget her…_

Another sigh.

_I guess we'll never know…_

_**So…** _

_**Before** _

_**You** _

_**Go…** _


	2. Ahsoka

_**So, before you go,** _

_**Was there something I could've said** _

_**To make it all stop hurting?** _

_**It kills me how your mind** _

_**Can make you feel so worthless…** _

It wasn't the first time she'd left him—she had been on more solo missions during their short stint as Master and Apprentice than he had when he was first _knighted,_ for crying out loud!

But every time she left him, he knew she would come back. He could count on it.

This time, though, he wasn't so sure she would.

No, he _knew_ she _wouldn't._

And the worst part was, he didn't blame her.

He had let her down, fell by the wayside.

_Just like every other kriffing Jedi in the Temple!_

He'd hurt her, deeply, and now she was leaving him. The only thing he could think to do was chase after his wayward Padawan.

As his boots pounded the pavement, syncing with the beat of his heart, he began to wonder what he would say when he caught up to her.

_If_ he ever caught up. _Stang, she's walking fast!_

But he had, in the end, caught her.

He just couldn't seem to hold onto her. She was slipping through his fingers, and along with her, his life.

"I understand wanting to leave the order," Anakin told her through a cloud of emotion. It was stuck in his throat, clogging his airway. He couldn't breathe, could think.

_She's leaving me! Leaving… Just like Mom…_

_Just like Qui-Gon._

He gazed down at her through sad eyes.

"I know," Ahsoka admitted. "I know you do, Master."

_How…?_

_Then you have to know why I stay._ He almost spoke the words aloud, but he didn't— _couldn't_.

Why _did_ he stay?

Anakin gazed hard at his young Padawan. Though, she wasn't officially his Padawan anymore, was she? She'd rejected him in front of the entire Jedi Council.

But what had they— _he_ —done to her? It seemed only right in a sick sort of way that she was leaving them all now. They'd driven her to this low point and Anakin didn't know how to pull both her and himself back up again.

_You_ , he nearly blurted. _I stay because of_ _ **you**_ _, Snips._

_Because of Obi-Wan…_

_Because,_ he realized suddenly, _I wouldn't know where to go or what to do if I wasn't fighting this kriffing war!_

_Padmé…_ He'd always have Padmé. But he didn't want to be some bum who sat at home all day while his wife went to the Senate and fought to change the galaxy.

Who was he if not a Jedi Knight?

_Who will I be without you, Ahsoka?_

"I have to figure this out on my own," she was saying when he tuned his mind back into the dismal scene before him—a scene in which he was an unwilling actor playing on a set he never could've imagined.

"Without the Council…" Ahsoka finally met his eyes. "And without you."

Anakin felt a piece of him die in that moment, and he knew he would never be able to get it back, no matter how hard he tried.

_Just like Qui-Gon._

He swallowed as she bowed her head.

_Just like Mom…_

Then, she walked away.

And he just stood there with his feet of lead and cotton tongue, her Padawan beads still tucked tightly between his fingers.

Their every moment together began to reply in his mind as he watched her silhouette grow smaller and smaller.

_Don't abandon me…_ _**Please…** _

All too soon, she would be gone forever, and he would have done nothing to stop her.

_Stop her!_

But he couldn't. She'd made her decision.

Now, he would just have to learn to live with his.

His silence. His inaction.

His cowardice.

_Because that's what it is, isn't it? Isn't it?!_

He couldn't chase her, _wouldn't_ chase her because he feared being rejected a third time.

Blinking away tears, Anakin tightened his grip on the beads, the beads that had been so cruelly yanked from her head.

His Padawan's head.

Another blink and she was gone. Truly gone, this time.

And now that she was, Anakin heard every word that he had needed to say to her, blaring throughout his brain.

_I need you, Snips._

_I_ _**want** _ _you, Snips._

_You're not worthless, Snips._

_You mean everything to me, Snips._

_Ahsoka… Please don't leave me…_

Swiping a gloved palm against his now sopping cheeks, Anakin forced himself to take a deep breath.

And then another.

And another.

Only, it didn't help much. Meditation had never been one of his strong points mainly because he had a hard time calming down.

A hand came down gently on his shoulder and Anakin knew without even looking who it belonged to.

"She's gone," he stated, cursing his voice for cracking.

"I know," Obi-Wan replied in a tone that betrayed his own grief.

"She didn't even say goodbye."

"I'm sorry, Anakin."

The Jedi Knight closed his eyes.

His Master's next words were barely audible. "I'm so sorry."

_Yeah… Me too._

He promised himself right then and there that he wouldn't try to get over her, like everyone would soon tell him he should. He would remember her… remember her voice, her laugh, her smile, her smirk.

"The sooner you move past this, Skywalker," Master Windu told him, "the better."

_The better for who?_ He'd almost wondered aloud, but he bit his tongue just in time.

As the days flew by, Anakin couldn't help but feel slightly angry at Obi-Wan for not defending her better than he had. The man was on the Council, for Force sake's! _He should've fought harder for her._

_**I** _ _should've fought harder for her._

The anger didn't last long, however, as Obi-Wan was the only one in the Temple who validated his feelings _. For once._

They would often bring her up in conversation, or remember certain times in which she'd made them laugh.

Or cry silent tears inside because of her selflessness and courage.

But then there were times that Anakin couldn't bring himself to talk about her at all. Sometimes, in bad days, he couldn't even say her name.

And he hated Obi-Wan on these days.

_This is all his fault! He should've fought harder._

And then he'd remember everything _he_ hadn't said to her—every word he needed to say—and his anger would dissipate.

But not until after he'd snapped or shouted at Obi-Wan for one thing or another.

Not until after he'd rammed his fist or his foot into some unsuspecting wall.

Not until after he remembered her smile…

So, he fought on, trying to win the war for Padmé, for their unborn child, for Obi-Wan, for his troops, for _peace_ , and for Ahsoka, wherever she was.

And then all of a sudden, she was back. Forcing herself back into his life just as she had all those years ago on Christophsis, back when she'd been a scrappy young Padawan in need of a Master. This time, joy was his only emotion, not annoyance.

_Stang! How could I have ever wished her gone?_ He wondered, cursing his young past self for being so stupid.

_If I'd have only known how little time we would get together._

Now, she was here with him again, with a gang of Mandalorians as her only company. But she was cold. Colder than that Bo Katan woman she'd brought with her.

_And unforgiving?_ Was she holding a grudge?

Against _him?_

"Honestly," he told Obi-Wan afterwards, "she gave more love to that droid than she did to me."

"She's just starting off small, Anakin," Obi-wan reassured him with a pat on the shoulder. "Give her time. Besides, I don't recall R2 being involved at all in that particular bad memory."

Anakin had grumbled his reply as Obi-Wan went to answer a summons to the bridge.

Fine, he would give her time.

He could be patient. He could…

He _could_.

It hadn't taken him long to locate Ahsoka after that, and thankfully, she had followed him willingly. They just needed some time together.

_Yes, that's it. Time alone. Time to relive the good old days._

Giving her back her lightsabers was a thrill; the moment he'd been waiting for every second since she'd left the Order.

And she'd smiled at him. _We're making progress. We're making—_

Then, Obi-Wan had barged in on their private moment. The Chancellor was in trouble, Coruscant was under attack.

Anakin's heart stalled like the engine of the _Twilight_ on a particularly bad day. Ahsoka's eyes just grew cold again.

"Once again, you're playing politics," she accused Obi-Wan.

"The Republic needs us," he defended, crossing his arms protectively against his chest. It was a move Anakin knew too well.

His Master wanted more than anything to help Ahsoka and the Mandalorians, but duty called.

And Obi-Wan was a soldier—a _Jedi_ —to the end.

"No," Ahsoka shot back cooly, "the _Chancellor_ needs you."

Obi-Wan's reply was low and breathy. "That's not fair."

"I'm not trying to be."

_Whoa, whoa, whoa_! Anakin wanted to shout it out so badly. Wanted to break this fight up before it went any further. Before the ones he loved most in the world tore each other apart with biting words they could never take back.

_At least they're speaking their minds,_ he thought grimly. _Unlike someone I know._

"Look," he began, grabbing their attention with his unusually optimistic attitude, "we can split the 501st in half and send one section with Ahsoka and take the other with us to Coruscant."

Obi-Wan eyed him with an odd expression of skeptical hope. "But Ahsoka is no longer apart of the Grand Army of the Republic."

_Okay, uh, we can fix this. We can fix this…_

"Oh! We can promote Rex to commander and he can lead the troops into Mandalore with Ahsoka at his side."

Both seemed to agree and now that the issue was resolved, Anakin found himself wishing they had more time together.

_But we will,_ he realized. _After we rescue the Chancellor, and after Ahsoka and Rex free Mandalore from Death Watch, we'll all come back together. At least for a debriefing._

_And we'll go from there._

Anakin grinned as Ahsoka wished him luck before he left.

_Yeah, things will be just fine in the end._

_Just fine._

Because Ahsoka might be leaving him again, but she would come back this time.

_And this time_ , he vowed as he left her to ready her new troops, _I won't let her leave without saying goodbye._

_Because_ _**I** _ _won't leave without saying goodbye._

_That's a promise._

_That's a promise…_

_**So…** _

_**Before** _

_**You** _

_**Go…** _

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue what the Krysteller incident was. I just made it up on the spot. XD Maybe someday I’ll write that particular mission with little Ani and Obi, but for now, enjoy this story. ;)


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